Monday, January 31, 2011

Another discouraging doctor's appointment

We went to see my PCP today. We told her about the rheumatologist being unable to help me. She decided to refer me to an endocrinologist that "thinks outside the box". I'm all for it. So far the box hasn't been much help to me. She said that with conditions like mine you have to wait and see. It takes time to fit all the pieces together. We were not really happy to hear that. She didn't have any problems with my supplement plans. Oh, did I talk about that yet?

I ordered some stuff from Vitacost.com. When it comes in I'll be taking a ton of pills each day. I have fish oil and CoQ10 and B's and C's and E's and D's and a big prenatal multivitamin. THe prenatal had the best profile of all of the ones I looked at. I also got something called DMAE and some lecithin granules. But if I feel better I think it'll be worth it.

The doc gave me a free glucose monitor. I display symptoms of hypoglycemia so I'm supposed to test my sugar when I crash before meals.

Oklahoma is closed tomorrow. We're in a blizzard warning. Some models are predicting 18" of snow. Wind chills way below zero. People were so panicked today that there were tons of wrecks all over the highways. The weather hasn't even gotten here yet! And I witnessed a beating. I think it was road rage induced. I was waiting for the light to turn green and a guy got out of his car and another guy got out of his car and one started wailing on the other one. He had him on the ground in an instant and punched his face over and over and over. I have never witnessed anything like that. I wanted to beat up the guy but I knew that would get me hurt so I just sat there dumbfounded like everyone else around me. The lady in front of me must have been a medical person (scrubs and a name tag) because she was on the phone with 911 right away and as soon as the assailant left she went over to check on the victim. He was half knocked out and his girlfriend was trying to get him up but she couldn't. They finally made it back to the car and drove off. Once I got my wits about me DH had me call 911 to give more info. They said the victim didn't want to press charges so they didn't need any info but thanks anyway. It took me about half an hour to recover from the shock of it all. DH said it takes special training to be able to overcome the shock and to force yourself to action in a situation like that. I have never seen a human be that violent to another human in real life. I wanted to hurt that man. DH said I need to channel that angry energy into calling 911 and stuff. I hope I never see anything like that again.

Well, we did all the errands and now we're home for the duration. I'm going to go cuddle with DH and Tuvok on the couch and watch some TV.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Storms a'comin!

Every weather report that we hear of predicts worse conditions than the one before. As of lunchtime it should be a worse storm than the Christmas Eve Snowpocalypse of 2009.

We went to Sam's and Walmart today. Both were very busy.

Toward the end of the week I realized that I ran out of my b-vitamins. I started taking them again and my horrible depression has lifted significantly. Oops. At least I know they make a difference.

Mom came to visit yesterday. We went to a ceramics shop, then to a plant nursery/greenhouse, then ate Vietnamese soup for lunch. After lunch we went shopping with DH to find him a new pot for his Bird of Paradise plant and some other supplies. Then we went to his office and repotted his 3 plants and painted his terracotta pots. They look awesome! His office walls are "dolphin" with "magnetite" accents. So we made the pots "magnetite" with "francesca" tops and saucers. Francesca is almost black. They look soooo cool! We had Olive Garden for dinner. It was a good day!

After a day like that I expected to be very tired today. I did have a hard time getting up but I'm really doing pretty well. Whatever we're doing to manage Stupid Tired Disease is working.

We got some more vitamins and supplements today so I can beef up my regimin. My aunt has been on a similar regimin for a couple of years and she has experienced great results. She barely ever gets the colds and flus that go around now. She feels better and has more energy. Perhaps it will work for me too. We're going to compare notes and see what each of us is taking and what we might like to adjust.

Tuvok is wanting something. I think he wants a walk but it's almost freezing outside with a significant wind. He's not getting a walk. He's been out back several times and it isn't what he wants. Dinner isn't for another hour. "Whuh....Rooooowwwrrrr....mmmmmmRRRRRRrrrrrrr.....Rhouh!" Pace, pace, pace. "rrrrrooooWWW! mmmmmmmrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRooooooOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWAH!"

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Baking and Blogging

Cat pictures first!!




I've decided that earthquakes are to blame for all the doors that suddenly don't fit in their holes anymore. I've fixed two. One more to go. Until the next earthquake. Also, there's a new crack in the ceiling above the computer. As if Oklahoma didn't have enough trouble with foundations settling...

I found big 18 gallon black tubs with rope handles at WalMart. I'm not sure what their intended use was, but they were on clearance for $4 each so I bought all 5 and they're going to be tomato planters now.

Just in case anyone was wondering, Zeroll food dishers are the bomb. You guys know how many cookies I make. I have had my #40 disher since last Christmas and it still works like the day I got it. I use the #40 almost exclusively. It makes the perfect size cookies. And it works left or right handed. The #30 is great for regular cupcakes/muffins and the #50 is perfect for mini cupcakes/muffins. Well, actually, I tend to use one dish of #30 and one of #50 to make a regular cupcake or muffin. So a bigger size would probably be better. And, they're not very expensive. They're cheaper than the ones at Williams Sonoma.

I had a mammogram and an MRI today. They like to look at my boobs in as many ways as possible. Still no boob cancer. For those of you who have not had a digital mammogram- please give it a try. I never had a traditional one but I can tell you that the digital is not painful hardly at all. No, it is not comfortable. There is a bit of a twinge for a few seconds. But I would not call it pain. So please. If you're putting this test off, please get a digital mammogram. It could save your life and it no longer has to hurt!

I'm having trouble with my depression. It sucks. It sucks more than it used to because I know what it feels like to not be depressed. I see my PCP on Monday and I'll talk to her about upping the meds temporarily, at least until I get a handle on my health. I really feel like I've declined quickly in recent years.

In the fall I recieved a used betta tank. It holds about a gallon and has a light and undergravel filter and air pump. It also came with what seems like a lifetime supply of betta food. It has been sitting in the laundry room since then and I keep meaning to get it out and put something in it (like a betta). So this weekend I pulled it out and looked at the parts. All it was missing was an air tube, which I stole from DH's fish stuff in the attic last night. I filled it with water and plugged in the parts. I had to change the light bulb but everything works. So I'm letting the chlorine evaporate out of the water now and next time I'm at a store that sells pet stuff I'll get some test strips. We already have pH chemicals and stuff but I lost the test strips. Wait...maybe I know where they are. Hold on.

Never mind. DH cleaned that drawer and he doesn't remember what he did with them. Maybe tomorrow when he hasn't taken a Flexeril. His back decided to spasm today.

Bones came down with ringworm from being at the shelter. He gave it to Tuvok. Poor Tuvok is covered in it. We have cream we're using every day but its difficult to find all the spots. So today I brought home a blacklight that I'm borrowing from our friendly neighborhood cat lady (well, the work cat lady) (she's with a rescue group). Ringworm glows green under a blacklight. Tuvok is afraid of the blacklight. He's also afraid of the cream. *facepalm*

Here's what the floor of a cat's house should look like. Torn paper everywhere and an awesome box to play in.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Doing stuff

This weekend I've been waking up after 11 hours. That is much better than last weekend. Last night I made potato soup (potato-ham-cheese chowder) and experimented with red velvet cake, chocolate pudding, and chocolate. I made chocolate dipped mini cupcakes and a layer cake. They were yummy. Dave and Froggi came over and shared it with us.

Today I started some seeds. I put seeds inside coffee filters inside sandwich baggies. I labeled the sandwich baggies with what I put inside and spritzed the inside with water. I put them all up on top of my plant shelf. When the seeds sprout I can move them to more permanent containers. I did cabbage, swiss chard, two kinds of peas, thyme, pansies, and a mix of seeds I collected on my walk last weekend. It is probably too early to do this but I don't care. I have the plant shelf to help me along if I need it. Then I put some seed starting mix in a kitty pan and I'm waiting for it to soak up the water. When it does I'll plant lettuce in it. It is also on top of the shelf for now. Bones was VERY interested in it.

I'm narrowing the list of vegetables I want to grow this year. For cool season I have the veggies I already talked about. I may get some broccoli plants later on. For warm season I want to put sweet potatoes in the big front bed. That has worked well in the past. I'll also put in some annuals like cosmos and zinnias and marigolds for height and color. Oh, and gazanias. The rest of my stuff (cool season too) is going to be in containers. I'm planning to get tomatoes at the SpringFling in April. They'll need to be in the biggest containers I can get my hands on. I'll be on the lookout. Then in smaller containers I want to plant strawberries, pattypan squash, and a couple other random things like an eggplant or two. If I get to feeling consistently better by spring, I may fill my back bed with okra.

My parents want to help me do some more landscape work soon. I'd like to put in a barrier around the front beds. Especially the big one. The soil in the bed is higher than the surrounding area. I want to keep my soil (and my sweet potato vines) in the bed and not in the driveway or the neighbor's yard.

We got rid of our old sliding glass patio door. We're replacing it with french doors, but the factory assumed we wanted the opposite of what we ordered (this happens to me a lot) and so the wrong door is currently pseudo-installed until the factory makes the correct one. We already like it better. Even though it opens on the wrong side and swings the wrong way it is pretty and quiet. It makes the whole house look nicer.

Also, Dave had a good idea last night. We were talking about the hole in the kitchen where we took out the old wall oven. He suggested we just tear the whole structure out instead of trying to make a shelving unit out of it. Then we can put the trash can there and my baking cart when I get one. I like that idea a lot!

The seed starting medium is hydrophobic so I took my hand mixer to it. That worked! So now I have lettuce planted. All I have to do now it water my houseplants and maybe go to WalMart. Oh, and fix the door to the garage so it latches.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

I made it to Saturday!

Yesterday I felt the best that I had all week. DH has been insistent that I not push myself even though I'm feeling better because that would thwart everything. And I think he's right and that's how I'm doing better.

This morning I'm making cinnamon sugar biscuits and drinking looseleaf Jasmine green tea. I'm not a fan of the bagged jasmine tea but this is pretty good. I love my PerfectTea Maker from Teavana!!!!

Last night I watched TV for like 6 hours. It was awesome. Today I'll probably watch more TV. My goal for the weekend is to water my plants. That is all. We need go to the mall and get DH's suit fitted. We need to go to DH's work to do maintenance. We might go to the home and garden show. But my only actual goal is to get my houseplants watered. All 75 of them. :-)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Longest Week Ever!

I think maybe what's happening is I'm in a flare-up of Stupid Tired Disease. I was talking with one of my friends who has other friends with similar conditions and she said that when her friends go through stressful periods it really knocks them out and it takes them several weeks to recover. So I guess the stress that started in October, and got really bad at Christmas, caused this flare and I just have to wait it out. I need to remind myself constantly that I'm not always going to feel this way.

I really wish I could blog about the things that caused my stress. They are all really nasty things that don't have easy or obvious solutions. But they are also very private and potentially damaging to others if I share them here. I am able to talk about them with a few people so that helps. I can talk about them with my therapist but she doesn't even have solutions for me. You know it's bad when the pro can't help.

So anyway, all that stuff plus having to come to terms with Stupid Tired Disease is pretty much overpowering my antidepressant. DH said this evening that he thinks anyone in my place would be having the same trouble and that we'll get through it. That really helped. He's doing so well with this. I'm really proud of him.

Bones is playing. When he plays he makes adorable chirps and trills. He's also in that phase where he thinks that he can get away with anything because he's so stinking cute. He's right.

I haven't been sleeping very soundly. I keep waking up from my bad dreams. Last night I took one of my muscle relaxers because my back was spasming all day. It helped but I still hurt today. I wish there was something in between two Alieve and a Tylenol3. Tylenol3 is great for when I can't take the pain but I'm not there and I don't want to over medicate. The Alieve usually does the trick for pain that hasn't made it to that level but it just isn't this week.

I've been eating pretty well this week. I have been eating salads with my popcorn for lunch and having healthy snacks of nuts and fruit. But I still feel rotten. The wierd thing is when I eat sugar I perk right up. I can't lose weight by eating sugar!!!! Grr. I guess I need more time to figure this out.

This afternoon I was the only one in bindery. Both the guys were sick. I discovered that I knew more about the booklet maker than I thought I did. I set up and ran two jobs by myself with just a couple of questions.

I wish I wasn't so profoundly tired. Things need to be done but I feel overwhelmed. I want to be angry but even that takes too much energy. I just want to not 'be' for a while.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

10 pound arms

So yesterday I took Tuvok for a walk in the park. It was beautiful outside and he knew it; he wasn't going to give up until he had a walk. I don't blame him, really. We haven't been to the park in several weeks. It was a leisurely walk. We took the short path, and then the long way back from the short path. I have no idea how far that is or how long we were gone. I know that poor Tuvok was worn out two-thirds of the way through. He doesn't get much exercise in the winter and especially this winter. I felt ok afterwards. Not really energized or anything like you're supposed to be. It was nice to get outside. I collected a few seeds. I might try wintersowing them.

We went to Dave and Froggi's for dinner. We had a good time. I discovered the free Kindle App for my iPhone and subsequently discovered free books. Hehe!

Today was a bad day. I feel exhausted. My arms weight 10 pounds each. I didn't do anything with my arms yesterday, especially not more than I do on a regular day at work. I can only assume it was the walk, and one of the symptoms of "Stupid Tired Disease" (aka: Chronic Fatigue) is significant muscle weakness following exercise. Grr. And then of course Binary DH says, "So you can't even go for walks now?!" Ugh. I know he tries to understand and he usually does well, but today was a bad day for him too. He really wanted us to go to work and me tend his plants while he cleaned his coffeemaker but I just didn't have it. We went to the mall and got him some new suits, courtesy of his parents and that was about all I could do. It was very frustrating for both of us. I was having weak arms and legs the whole time. It is a wierd feeling. I can move them but I can just as easily let them hang limp. They are heavy, like the electrical impuses don't quite make it there efficiently. It's a similar feeling to taking a muscle relaxant like Flexeril.

Anyway, I watched 3 hours of TV on the couch when we got home and ate a snack and felt better. Then I messed on the computer a little more, read some of one of my new free books, and took a long spa-like shower.

The book I'm reading is by a naturopath. I think she calls herself a Natural Hygenist. She began life as a poor malnourished rural Canadian, went to nursing school, mastered in Psychiatry, Doctored in Psychiatry and Gastroenterology or something like that. She kept being convicted by the Hippocratic Oath- she felt that traditional medicine often did more harm than good. She started caring for phych patients in her own home with great success and then created the Great Oaks School of Healing in Oregon. It was successful but stressful so she sold it and then had a series of live-in patients at her home until her death in like the 90's or something.

So far I'm in Chapter 3. I am skeptical of natuopaths as a rule. I like science. But I feel that modern medicine is lacking. There's too much emphasis on the symptoms and not enough on the cause of the illness. Naturopaths aim to fix the cause of the illness. This one believes that the source of (almost) all illness and healing is what we put in our mouths. While I was reading I thought of an analogy. Think of your body as a lawn, or a garden. You want your lawn to be lush and healthy and disease free, so you water it and feed it and mow it. If you do those things in the right proportions, you end up with a lush green lawn that makes you the envy of your neighborhood. However, if you skimp on the fertilizer and water (expensive, you know) and mow it irregularly and cut too much off at once and stress the plants, you end up with a diseased, unhealthy lawn. You can pour chemicals on it but the only real way to heal the lawn is to give it the water and fertilizer and maintenance it needs. So it is with the human body. We need lots of water, high quality food, and regular maintenance to be able to feel our best and resist illness.

It is a very thought provoking book so far. I don't know if I agree with everything she'll say but she makes sense and doesn't get all mystical or whatever. All of her theories and practices are based on real life things (not energy or chi or anything) and she tested most of the practices on herself. She tried all the different types of fasts to figure out what actually worked best. She experimented with foods and stuff. So at least at this point, she has earned some trust. We'll see if she goes all wacky later in the book.

My plan is to continue to eat as much whole, healthy food as I can and avoid as much processed junk as I can. I'm not going to be perfect but I hope that as I eat more good food and start to feel better it'll be easier to say no to the 'comfort foods'.

Also, I realized that even though my fasting blood sugar is 90, I still experience pretty severe hypoglycemic symptoms when I don't eat RIGHT NOW!!!! So I should treat it like hypoglycemia and see if that helps. So instead of only eating one type of thing as a snack, I'll make sure I get all three macronutrients each time I eat to keep my sugar stable. The naturopath lady mentioned something in the introduction about not mixing food groups but at this point it seems like the best way to deal with the weak shaky sick faint feeling I get when I need to eat RIGHT NOW!!!!!

So yeah. Hardly anything got accomplished this weekend. It wasn't a very good couple of days for my body. But tomorrow is another day.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Here's shelf #1 of the new plant shelf. It is the shortest of the three. It is also going to be the dimmest with only one light fixture. So far all the plants seem happy and the cats haven't even touched it.



Here is Lillibutt and Bones hanging out in the box that our new Tuvok-proof trash can came in.



Once again I have a list of things to get done, most of which are fun things. But I still don't want to do them. I watched a couple hours of TV and now I'm messing around online some more. It is 55 degrees outside. I should take advantage of the weather and paint the rest of my plant shelves. But meh.

I made sugar cookies this week. They were yummy. I made two batches of the fluffy recipe. I have 3 sugar cookie recipes. One is flavored with mace, one is yummy with little to no frosting and one is fluffy and good for lots of frosting. I made those. I made some with chocolate and some with cream cheese frosting and I still ran out of frosting.

One of my coworkers got married yesterday so I'm going to make a congratulatory cookie cake for him tomorrow.

My grandpa's 83rd birthday is Monday. He had colon cancer last year. He still maintains a huge garden and sells the best produce in the area. I should learn his secrets I think. He uses old style farming methods though, with tractors and tilling and stuff. Maybe someday I'll have a garden that's so big I need a tractor! He made a couple thousand dollars from his produce last year and he didn't feel good for the first part of the year. The profits were from August until frost. He has waiting lists for his watermelons and cantaloupe. If there's a gardening gene, I hope I got it!

This year most of my vegetables are going to be in containers. I went out and measured all my large containers and now I'm going to go pick the brains of the gurus at Garden Web.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I discovered how to put a picture at my header! This is Tuvok playing in the snow last Christmas when we had our blizzard. I'm usually not good at action shots so I'm really impressed that I got this one.

On Friday night I went to bed at 8:45. I woke up the next day at 11:30. It was awesome. I just kept sleeping until I finally had a good dream. (Playing with and photographing a fox in Canada) I hardly ever have good dreams, unless I've had a ton of sleep. So that's how I knew to get up. I felt really good all day yesterday. I puttered around and did stuff on my weekend list. We had dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings with Dave and Froggi and Froggi's mom. Froggi's mom is awesome and we love spending time with her. Then we went shopping and got groceries. I got a pan for my plant shelf.

HEY!!! IT'S SNOWING!!!

Anyway. We got an aluminum automotive drip pan that is 25" by 48". I'm going to hammer the sides so they're straight up and then it should fit in the shelf just perfectly. Then I got some Rust-Oleum to waterproof the pan. I got the primer and a satin black. It should work. I hope this all works out!!

I'm working through the process of coming to terms with my Chronic Fatigue. When I talk about it or think much about it I feel really depressed and a little indignant. I was really hoping to avoid all this autoimmune crap but I guess I didn't. So basically here's the deal (according to the rheumatologist): My immune system is attacking various parts of my body. At this point my body is holding up pretty well but I feel very tired because it's like I'm constantly fighting an infection, except the infection is my own body tissues. Also, the Mono I had has stayed with me. Some people who have mono recover completely, some develop Epsteinn-Barr (autoimmune), and some develop chronic fatigue. That's what I did. So I kind of got both possible causes of being tired all the time.

So I'm developing a plan. The first part involves eating better. Yesterday at Walmart I got lots of fruits and vegetables and salad stuff. I'm going to have a salad at lunch every day. My goal is to have 5 different ingredients in my salads with as many colors as possible. I'm still going to eat my popcorn every day but half as much. I have some fruits for snacks. I'll probably have fruit for one snack and nuts for the other. At dinner I'll have meat, one green veggie, one colored veggie, and one whole grain (or not whole sometimes)(because some things just aren't as good with whole grains). Breakfast is still my soy milk and protein powder. This plan leaves me with enough calories left over to still have chocolate! I like that a lot!

I've eaten like this before and I remember feeling really good. I'm hoping that the diet will increase my energy enough that I can start exercising. Right now even the thought of exercising is too overwhelming. Also, as the weather warms in the spring I'll be going for walks in the park with Tuvok and doing more yard work.

DH has really come around recently and he is now as supportive as I could ever ask. He used to freak out about me being tired but now he understands a lot better. He encourages me to rest and not overdo it. He encourages me to do things that are good for me like eating better and exercising. He is even trying to eat better with me. He had an epiphany that just like being blind isn't something he chose, so is this. I don't want to be tired. I want to have boundless energy. But I don't. DH wants to be independent and drive a car, but he can't. We both just have to adapt and live our life as best we can. That alone has reduced my life stress tenfold. Over Christmas I got so stressed out that all my conditions flared up. I was exhausted, my muscles refused to work, my brain was mush, my sebborhea flared up (itchy rash around my nose and in my ear), I got a huuuuge cyst on my face, my back broke out, and it was awful. So stress plays a big role in how I feel.

DH's dad is over and they're watching the football game. The pizza should be here any minute. After lunch I'm going to put together the plant shelf. I have a little bit of repotting to do. I'm going to plant some lettuce. I have some leftover cookie dough in the fridge and I'm going to bake it. That's pretty much it.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Anticipointment

So I waited in the waiting room of the rheumatologist for 45 minutes. THen I sat in the room for 15 minutes. Then the doc came in and talked to me for an hour. His conclusion? Sorry, I can't help you. I paid $30 and took 3 hours off work for nothing. He rambled on about lupus and sjogren's and blah blah.. But he didn't think I have any full blown autoimmune disorders so he can't treat anything. There isn't very much available to treat fatigue. He thinks I probably have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. That's just about the most worthless diagnosis I can think of. We don't know why you're tired, but you are, so you have "tired disease". Gee, thanks.

So I'm supposed to exercise. I don't understand how the body knows when you're at work and knows not to count that as exercise. Granted, I don't get my heart rate up every day but I do a couple times a week. It wears me out. How does my body know to ignore that? I lift heavy things all day and I hardly ever stop moving. Oh well. Now I get to come home, utterly pooped, and run up and down the stairs for a few minutes. Yay. I'm going to start that on Saturday so I have a couple of days where that's all the exercise I'll do before trying it after work.

I wish it wasn't cold. During the nice part of the year I take Tuvok on walks in the park. We go 1.5-3 miles depending on time. That gets my heart pumping pretty good. But the cold air makes my lungs freeze. I don't like that feeling. I thought about bringing the Total Gym downstairs. It is technically weight training but I can make it so I'm not lifting very much weight and do lots of reps. I'll get to breathing hard with that too and I can watch TV while I'm doing it.

Sorry I'm bummed out today. I just need to process this stuff. I'll probably be ok soon.

On to nicer topics...

We bought the shelving unit that I'm going to convert to a plant shelf. We got one 4-foot T8 flourescent fixture that I'll mount this weekend and then we'll see how the plants on that shelf do. If they want more light, I'll put two fixtures each on the other shelves and use that shelf for lower light plants. If they're good, well then I'll just put one fixture per shelf. I got one warm light bulb and one cool light bulb to make sure the plants get the whole light spectrum. At first I was going to use the middle spectrum light but then I thought maybe it wouldn't have red OR blue wavelengths in it. Plants need both to do their best. So they'll get one of each. The plant-specific lights are twice the price for half the lumens. What a rip off!

Ok, we have to get up at like 5 tomorrow so I'm going to bed now.