Well, during my research on why I'm a bad employee, I once again stumbled upon the autism spectrum. Other than stimming (flapping, tics, repetative movements) I fit practically all of the requirements of Aspergar's Disorder. Motivated by more failed attempts to understand what is required of me at work, I made an appointment to be evaluated. In January. Seriously, that was the first available appointment. Seems like we need more phychologists out there who can diagnose adults with autism spectrum disorders. I'm also on the cancellation list. So if someone cancels and then 21 other people can't make it, I'll get a call. :-)
In the meantime, there are a few books I'm trying to get a hold of. It seems I'm not the only person who has trouble with social interaction and unwritten rules of society. But I'm apparently the only person who wants to get them on Kindle or from the library. I have a hard time buying books. It feels impractical. I'm trying to convince myself that these are references that I'll use over and over.
I'm not sure what else to do at this point. Do I reveal this possibility to my bosses in an attempt at understanding? Or will that be more likely to get me fired than just limping along? These are things I think I'm supposed to know instinctually but I don't. I know that I would want the most information possible about why my employee is so difficult. But it turns out that the need for data and knowledge is an Aspie trait so Chris may not care. He may react badly to a conversation about it.
I really want to know what the bosses are thinking. How close am I to being fired? How many bad things have I done and am not aware of? Yes, that happens frequently. I'll find out months from now that some behavior is unacceptable. So would a possible explanation bring understanding or more hate? I don't know.
But right now I know I need to go to sleep. Good night.
You know, Tiger, maybe it's not you.
ReplyDeleteI really believe things happen for a reason, and maybe it's just time for you to move on. If I was an employer, I'd be tickled to death to find an employee who really cared about whether a job was done right, because most of them now are only interested in putting in their 40 hours and drawing their check.
If I were you, I'd give myself a couple of hugs and then start looking around. When you fill out an application, they almost always ask if they can contact your current employer and it's perfectly acceptable to say "no". The fact that you've been there so long proves you are a good employee. Be honest with them though. Tell them things have changed and you are no longer happy there. Tell them how important it has always been to you to make sure the job is done right.
It sounds to me like Chris is "building your file". When he counsels you, does he make you sign something that says he's done so? In order to fire someone nowadays most employers think they have to be able to show just cause, even though Oklahoma is a "right to work" state and it is permissible to fire someone just because you want to. But the rub is that the fired person can go file for unemployment and if you can't show proof that they deserved to be fired, the State may rule that they qualify for Unemployment. In which case, the employer has to pay part of it.
Either that or he's trying to make your life so miserable that you'll just quit. If you quit then of course you can't file for Unemployment. But your poor psyche is taking such a beating from this. Who gives a Rat's A$$ what Chris thinks of you, anyway? The fact that he's somehow on Richard's side kinda puts him in the Jerk category and Jerks are only made so you'll appreciate the people who aren't.
I wonder if the climate would change at work if you mentioned that you felt like you needed an attorney? Chewing you out about your facial expressions and whether you get along with the other employees really constitutes harassment if you are, at the same time, doing your job well.
You are not the ONLY imperfect person walking around in this world. We ALL have our little quirks.
Anyway, think on these things, Dear, and I hope things will get better for you soon. Hugs, Ilene (Rockwhisperer). (Doing Anon because Google's still messed up.)