Somebody Turned on the Summer

We got the AC fixed just in time. Summer happened.  But the garden is happy.

Rose of Sharon

Homestead Flynn's flower

Shasta Daisy

Rudbeckia with bee

Marigold

Osteospermum

Laura Bush Petunia

Petunia

Ladyug eating aphids on the Rose of Sharon

Aloe "Red" flower buds

Ornamental Pepper flower

Angel Trumpet flower

Bee on Lavender

This is the time of year when the plants are growing quickly and flowering but the weeds aren't too tall yet.  I like this time.

Work is interesting.  This week the guy that has the desk job that I wanted got another job.  I may or may not get asked to take his position.  I don't think I have the standing right now to ask for the job.  Richard is trying to be nicer.  He says please and thank you (when he remembers) and has passed up several opportunities to be hateful.  On Thursday I ran the cutter all day and during the morning I cut a casino mailer that we do all the time.  Usually when we cut this job we go ahead and get it ready to mail as well even though that's technically the mailer's job.  So that's what I did.   On Friday morning the mailer guy comes by and tells me that Richard told him not to talk to me in the mornings because he distracts me.  At first I was baffled but then I remembered that I did that casino mailer and so instead of asking my why I was getting the mailer ready and letting me explain that it's the way we usually do it but I don't have to do that anymore, he told the mailer not to talk to me so I wouldn't be distracted.  I was livid.  I was so mad I was shaking.  I had to go outside and wail on the dumpster with some pvc pipe I found.  But that helped and I was able to go back to work just fine after that.  But I did not talk to Richard voluntarily the rest of the morning.  He left at lunch for vacation fortunately because I was having trouble holding my anger.  He's also gone on Monday.  Needless to say, I am relieved to have a day free of that and I also would really like to have that desk job and no longer have this boss.  I don't know if maybe he was trying to not have a confrontation with me or "get me in trouble" or what but being passive agressive and going behind my back to tell someone else not to interact with me is extremely humiliating.  This is at least the second time he's done this.  I don't know how many people he's told to not talk to me but two of them have told me about it.  The first time was before he was even my boss.  He told one of the drivers not to talk to me because he was trying to teach me how to be a team player. (?!)  Apparently what Richard didn't like was when the driver had questions about where things were I would help him find the answer.  First, he wasn't my boss in any way.  Second, even if he were, he should be able to simply tell me he didn't want us helping the drivers find stuff.  Third, what a jerk.

Many more people have had confrontations with Richard.  Many people have told me how much they hate him.  Like there's anything I can do.  The company is on Richard's side.  I lost all my status, importance, responsibilities, usefulness, everything when Richard became the boss and I asked for advice on what to do about his hatefulness.  I got in trouble and was told that his behavior was my fault.  I was told that I am a caustic force in all my relationships and eventually I alone will ruin them all.  I was told that I deserve to be fired many times over but he believes I can become a better person.  I've spent two years trying to believe that I am worth something.  Many therapy appointments.  Lots of work.  I had almost gotten there and then in one conversation, Chris completely destroyed me.  This past month has been hard.  I cry almost every day.  It's one thing to be depressed because that's all you've known, but to be depressed and know what it means to be happy is way worse.  Any self confidence I had is gone.  And because this is the only way I know how to be a "good employee", I have to just be sad all the time.  I've lost almost all my work friends because I'm so miserable to be around.  I'm miserable.  I don't want to quit because of one person.  I used to love my job and I think I could again.  But this is miserable.

Chris told me to read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" so I am.  I'm mostly done with it.  So far the book is about how to be a good boss.  Maybe Richard should read it.  But I did get some good information about how most people don't really care about having correct information or being right.  I'm supposed to let them be wrong or believe faulty information so they can save face and I don't argue.  Makes no sense to me.  Accurate information is one of the most important things in my life.  But ok, I won't argue or tell others they're wrong.  Whatever.

Apparently I'm supposed to smile.  Smiling does not come natural to me.  Especially this month.  It feels like a lie and it makes me cry.  It reminds me that I used to feel like smiling and I didn't have to concentrate to do it.  So now I avoid eye contact so I don't have to smile.

Everything else is how to be a better boss and make your employees feel important and worthwhile.  Maybe Chris needs to read this book again.  But I'm almost done, and then I'll review it and take notes before I have another meeting with him to discuss what I've learned.

DH has been wonderful and supportive throughout the process and he makes home happy.  I'm very thankful for him and whichever friend told him how to be this way.