DH is out playing with his guy friends. I took the opportunity to watch massive amounts of television and to finish the baby blanket I was working on.




Last night we had friends over for potato soup. We showed Lrrr a mirror. He couldn't decide whether to puff up or run away. It was very cute. He was a little jumpy for a while after that. Poor little fishy! His gill growth isn't going away and his health is still the same. So I guess it's just a thing. I suppose if he ever runs away I can use it to ID him. Heh! LOST: Betta. Name: Lrrr, Ruler of Planet Omicron Persei 8. Responds to: Freeze-dried blood worms, mirrors. Reward: cookies.

He seems to have made friends with bones.






Isn't it funny how cats have different toy preferences? Some cats like milk rings, others like paper wads. One of Froggi's requires sparkly fuzzy balls of one specific size. Bones has a thing for lids and caps. He loves them. He steals them. It is hard to get a picture of him because as soon as I remove the lens cap he stops whatever cute thing I was going to get a picture of and steals the lens cap.

I'm going to peruse the afghan books for a new project.

I was a girl this evening. I mean, technically, I'm a girl all the time. But usually I don't really act like it. Tonight we had to go to the mall to get DH's suit and to get the other suit fitted. DH let me browse all I wanted. I kept trying to apologise for taking up so much time but he insisted it was ok. I dicsovered that this winter I was supposed to be wearing sweater dresses everywhere. They are all on sale now. I found several cute ones but I didn't buy any. I'd have to have a much smaller spare tire to feel comfortable in one of those! There were some cute shirts in other stores. I found a really fun party top. I don't party; didn't buy that one. It would look really cute under a blazer though... But anyway, I ended up getting 2 pairs of shoes. They originally were $109 and $50 and I got them for $33 and $15. Score!


I've just decided: my Betta's name is Lrrr. It is from Futurama. Lrrr is the ruler of planet Omicron Persei 8. He's one of my favorite characters from that show. I'm supposed to keep with the Star Trek theme for the animals but Lrrr fits this betta really well.

Tomorrow is Friday. One of my bosses lost his father unexpectedly and the funeral is tomorrow. I really liked his dad and I kinda want to go to the funeral but I don't think it's appropriate. My boss is being wierd lately and especially wierd about this and I don't want to upset him. I think only the rest of the family is going. There is something going on among the owner family. The last few weeks have been strange. They've all been upset and on edge. I wish I knew more about what was going on so I could do better to avoid upsetting them. I hope whatever it is resolves quickly. I kinda care about the family and I don't like seeing them upset, plus it makes my job harder when they're in bad moods.

I think I'm going to go to bed early. That sounds nice! Good night!

Another Snow Day

I had fun making this birthday cookie cake.



The storm wasn't as bad as predicted but we still got about 4-5 inches of snow and I decided to not brave the slick and hazardous roads.

Last Saturday I was about to do all those things I talked about and then Froggi called to go shopping. I didn't get home until 7 and we didn't even go to all the places we wanted! I got some awesome yarn from The Gourmet Yarn Co. and some great clothes from Rue21. We're a little too old for most of their stuff but it'a hard to resist a gorgeous long cowlneck sweater for $3. I also got a cami for wearing under tshirts for $3 and some rain boot liners. They are awesome!

We spent a long time in HobbyLobby. She has a great idea for jewelry storage involving a hinged shadow box.

On Sunday I went to PetsMart and got a Betta for my tank. He's got some sort of gill thing going on but I think it's from getting too much ammonia from living in his cup. He's acting like a normal healthy betta. He doesn't have a name yet but I'm brainstorming. :-) He lives right next to my computer. He likes his food but he LOVES freeze dried bloodworms! He's pretty calm but very curious about things. I cleaned the outside of the tank for the pictures but I guess it wasn't good enough. Oh well, you can ignore the streaks.





DH and I got the bar cleaned off and got all the computer stuff plugged in behind the refrigerator. The whole area looks much nicer. I've already got some piles building back up!

Saturday night I had this unsettling feeling that I might have gotten knocked up. We got a test and it was negative but later that night I couldn't sleep and more research suggested it may have been too early to test. Sunday was a stressful day. Monday was a difficult day too but my friend at work let me talk to her and cry on her shoulder. Mom was also really supportive. DH called a nurse and she said that everything I was experiencing was very common when you have a wierd change in hormones while on the pill (I think I had accidentally skipped a day on Thursday). She said that I could take another test that evening and it would be pretty accurate. It was also negative. Whew! I do not want to be pregnant. All my unsettling symptoms have faded now too.

I/We have several reasons for not wanting to reproduce. Each of DH's sperm carry the gene for retinoblastoma (retina cancer). I have a 41% chance of breast cancer alone, plus a very significant risk of thyroid cancer and a moderate to high risk of ovarian cancer. Our whole family suffers from depression and it is from the way our brains work. I have been this way since birth.

DH and I are very uncomfortable around children. We are easily annoyed by their energy and attention-seeking. People always say that your own children are different but they fail to realize that your children don't live in a bubble. They have friends. I really feel that DH and I have too much trouble with anger/temper to be good parents. The anger I feel when children are annoying is very difficult to control.

Being a mother is not something I have ever wanted to do. Ever since I realized I had a choice (12 or 13) I chose no. Everyone thinks I'll change my mind. My gynecologist won't let me do any permanent birth control until I'm at least 30. When I thought I was pregnant I was in a complete panic. I don't think that's the kind of thing that indicates a mind-change. Mom said that she didn't want kids either, like me, but as soon as she suspected I existed she started to want me. I suspected for 3 days and there was absolutely no wanting.

I really respect people who are parents. I'm glad they exist because if everyone was like me, the human race would die out. I even think I might like to help others become parents (surrogacy) someday. It makes me so upset when people want children so badly but can't have them. If you can't be fulfilled without children, I really think you ought to have children. If you don't want to have children, I don't think you should be pressured into having them. Everyone's American Dream is different. My white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and a dog looks more like an acreage, 25 animals, plus a dog.

But anyway. Enough of that soap box.

I'm having edamame. It is yummy! I'm about to go clean off the driveway so I can go to work tomorrow. Then I might crochet some. I started a baby blanket for my friend with the yarn I got on Saturday. It is like one big granny square. I can just keep going until I run out of yarn and that is nice.

Ok, off to shovel.

Sunny Day

The sun is out today and I feel better about things. There are sparrows and juncos eating the birdseed on my back porch and the cats and I like to watch them out of our new back door.

My goals for the weekend include (but are not limited to) painting the saucers that go with DH's plant pots, working on/finishing the scarf I started last week, visiting Hobby Lobby and Petsmart, clean off the bar area, wash the drywall mud off the ceiling.

See, when we moved into our house there was a box above the bar. Someone decided in the 1970's that it would be a good idea to cut off the view to and from the kitchen and so installed a completely useless box above the bar. We removed it when we moved in but never got around to washing off the mud. The popcorn ceiling is painted so it won't take much effort. We just don't look up at the ceiling that often and we forget.

Here's the kitchen as we bought it.


Here is is today. notice the drywall mud on the ceiling, the new pretty back door, the complete change in decor, and the mess on the bar that I need to clean.



I also want to read more in my book about the immune system. Froggi let me borrow one of her favorite immunology textbooks. So far it is very interesting and easy to understand. I am such a nerd that I read textbooks!

Did I do a final review of that other book I was reading? Well, I just have a few pages left and then I'll do a separate final review. It is a free book on gutenberg.org.

I'm going to finish that book now I think. Or maybe bake something. Or maybe finish the book and then write a review while I bake something. :-)

I am feeling so much happier today! Is it the sun, or Saturday, or a great evening with friends, or my new supplements? I don't know but I'll take it!

So my blood sugar is pretty normal, my vitamin D levels are normal, and I don't have HIV (not really sure why they tested that; no risk factors whatsoever). I guess now I just wait for the endocrinologist to call and tell me when that appointment is.

Oh, my new vitamins came today. DH and I spent a few minutes getting my pill thing organized. I'm going to take some in the morning and some in the evening. I'm taking all my energy pills in the morning and all my cell-rebuilding pills in the evening. 22 in all. But if it works, it's worth it.

Today was a rough day. We had "help". I don't want to say anything bad about my workplace or anything because it really is a nice place to work. But sometimes it is better to let your people do their jobs instead of hovering over their shoulder asking why they're doing it that way and generally getting on everyone's nerves. *deep breath*

Also the depression was raging today. I feel like I'm in a holding pattern in life. I have always been careful to make the right decisions. I do the right thing and make the correct choice. Many people say they wish they had been more like me when they were growing up. Well, it hasn't made a hill of beans' worth of difference. If you measure life by happiness or fulfillment, well, I don't have those things. There are things I want to do that I think would make me happy and fulfilled but they are bad choices. They are wrong by just about everyone's standards. So I will not do them. But it makes me depressed. Instead of doing those things I would like to crawl in a hole and just stay there for a while. Can't do that either. I have to keep plodding along and wait for something to change.

~~~~~

We went to dinner with Dave and Froggi and Froggi's Mom at The Wedge Pizzeria. It was lots of fun. The pizza was excellent. Spending time with friends was good and made me feel better about life. I have good friends.

But now I can't sleep. 3AM. Been awake since about 2. Sigh.

Snowed In

We're still stuck in the house. I'm going to try and shovel the driveway after lunch. Not looking forward to it. But they'll probably expect me at work tomorrow.

Everyone on facebook is complaining of cabin fever. I am showing no signs whatsoever. There are still a million things I can do around here. For instance, I just put some brownies in the oven. In a minute I'm going to put some chicken in the crock pot. We're going to have chicken and dumplings for dinner. Yum!

Last night I repotted some plants. The dead of winter isn't really a good time for that but some of them were desperate. Aloes should not be in soggy soil! I rearranged the plant shelf too. The things that need more water are in spots that are easier to get to with water.

Ugh. I really don't want to shovel!

Blizzard

I drank my breakfast at 6:30 and have had nothing to eat since. I tried to test my sugar like a billion times but it was hard to get enough blood besause (1)my skin is too thick and (2)I'm too cold so all my capillaries shrunk. I did finally get a result of 89 and then about 10 minutes later 77. The instructions say below 70 is bad. 89 was when I would normally realize I needed to eat and at 77 I'm feeling desperate. I'm eating some clam chowder now. I don't know if it was the right choice but it was a fast choice.

It hurts to type now since my fingers have a million little pricks all over them.

According to the internet I need to test again in 2 hours to see my post meal level. I had a strip of beef jerky just now and I'm about to eat some dessert. Yes I know that will raise my sugar too high. No I don't care. This is how I would normally react to waiting too long to eat so I want to see how my sugar reacts to it. Mmmm- fun size peanut MnM's!

We found a blog called TheLostOgle. It is a satirical and hilarious blog about OKC and the news media. We're both cracking up. They're doing a live comment feed about the news coverage.


Here are my newest plants. Mom will recognise them! I got the begonia last night at Walmart. I had seen it 3 or 4 times already and I just couldn't resist it any more. It was $2.75. The succulent was $4 at the nursery we visited on Saturday.




Bones was really enjoying the heater vent. It's weird how the coldness outside makes it seem colder inside even though the temperature is the same.