We're now experiencing more normal spring weather. We may have had a light frost last night. By the time I looked at the temperature it was 8:15 and it was 34. So all the plants are back in and crowded onto the plant shelf and the windowsill.




They wouldn't have to be so crowded except the top shelf has seedlings that need to be close to the light and that takes up the whole shelf. This whole week looks to be upper 30's for lows and 50's for highs so I may do some rearranging indoors.

And then I ordered more hoyas... So, in the Hoya world there was this guy named David Liddle who lived in Australia and he collected hoyas in the wild, discovered and named tons of new species over several decades, did research, and sold generous cuttings at reasonable prices. Each year people would gather together in their online forums and put together a group order. Well, last year (or maybe the year before) David Liddle died. It is very sad. And his wife now has the greenhouse and the collection up for sale so this may be the last time anyone has the chance to order cuttings from the Liddle collection. Naturally, I couldn't pass up this opportunity! I have never ordered from the Liddles before so I had to this time. I chose the following:

IML 0256 australis ssp. australis 'Brookfield'
IML 0144 australis ssp. melanesica
IML 0774 bordenii
IML 1174 callistophylla
IML 1556 caudata
IML 1590 aff. clandestina
IML 1428 erythrostemma
IML 1742 macgillivrayi 'Rocky River Red'
IML 0850 merrillii

If available: IML 0511 erythrina

I chose species that were a. difficult to find in America, b. expensive to purchase in America, c. would ship well without drying out too much, and d. were most appealing aesthetically to me.

The order should be submitted soon and I think it takes a couple of months to recieve the cuttings. I'll probably end up dropping about $100 on this. And that's chump change compared to many of the others in the group. Fortunately, I will be recieving a $100 bonus soon for referring a new employee at work.

Speaking of work, a couple of weeks ago I asked to be moved to a position with more desk work because of my Stupid Tired Disease. Well, they said no. I was really upset on Friday when I got my answer but I've got a better perspective on it now. They really can't move a bunch of personnel around just to make me feel better. I think what I was most upset about is that my boss assumed I hadn't tried any other methods of getting more energy, losing weight, eating nutritiously, etc. He would start to suggest a common solution like, "You need to eat 1200 calories a day or you'll starve to death", or "You're tired because you're not getting enough nutrition" and then I'd counter him with all my research and the actual facts of my situation and he'd be like, Oh. It irks me when people act like they're better than you and tell you common knowledge like they discovered it themselves but they don't actually know anything about the subject other than that one tidbit. I have researched nutrition extensively for about 5 years. I have researched Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and all the treatment options. I have tried many of the coping mechanisms/treatments already and some of them have been a great help. I have done 28 years of intensive research on my own body and I know what my signals mean. So don't go spouting off "CFS is just a name they give you when they don't know what's wrong". The rheumatologist suggested CFS because I fit the profile of specific symptoms, blood panels, and illness history. It may be over dignosed by some doctors, and I may not actually have CFS, but as of now it is the best conclusion based on the evidence. Also, when I treat my body like it has CFS I notice a huge improvement. So there!

Personally, my theory is that CFS isn't a disease by itself but actually a set of symptoms caused by the underlying disease, mainly autoimmune attacks on the body. In my case, my bloodwork shows I have two possible reasons for my CFS symptoms. My Epstein-Barr antibodies are too high to have fully recovered from mono but not high enough to have the full blown disease of Eptsein-Barr. In the doctor's experience, the intermediate antibody levels are almost always accompanied by CFS symptoms. The official research is divided on this subject however. The second thing is my Hashimoto's. Every doctor agrees that I have Hashimoto's and that my immune system is attacking my thyroid and will eventually kill it. Right now my thyroid is still functioning withing the normal range but the effect of a constant immune system attack is the same as a normal person who has a virus or bacterial infection. If you take away all the symptoms specific to the virus or whatever that the person has, you still are left with feeling totally wiped out because the immune system is working so hard to defeat the invador. That takes energy and saps reserves. So since my immune system is working so hard to destroy my thyroid "invader", I am left feeling wiped out all the time. I wish that made sense to people who don't have an autoimmune disease. Just sleeping a little more or excersising a little more won't fix the problem. In fact with exersise you have to be very careful. If you overdo and get you heart rate up for too long, you feel even worse for days afterwards. It isn't like sore muscles either. It is almost a paralysis of sorts. I can move my arms but it takes such a monumental effort that most of the time it isn't worth it. Some studies show that the weakness is caused by damage from lack of oxygen in the muscles during the exersise.

Also, my left arm feels weak a lot because my back muscles are so tight around the nerves that go from my arm to my spine. And since I'm left handed, it causes a problem. I get one massage a month but it doesn't keep those muscles loose. Hmm.. since I do work with my massage therapist, maybe I can pay her to do mini massages in between the full body ones.

So anyway, when I was distraught on Friday I thought maybe I should find another job. But I really like my job. I get satisfaction from working with my hands and making things. I get affirmation from my coworkers because I do good work. I feel like I make a difference. I like the feeling of skill mastery. Right now I'm doing ok. I'm taking an appetite supressant to help me get to a healthy weight and it is giving me lots of energy and motivation to do things. It's also giving less pleasant side effects (I feel like I overdosed on caffeine big time) but it is helping me not feel hungry so I can eat smaller meals and shrink my stomach down and that will help me maintain my healthy weight. I have lost 5.5 pounds total and about 3 of those pounds left this week when I started the appetite supressant. I think I'm about to level out to 2 pounds a week or so. The first couple of days I was dropping fast but that happens on any diet program. I'll be satisfied if my average weekly loss is between 1-2 pounds. I could be at my goal weight as early as June. I don't think I want to stay on this medicine for more than 8 weeks though. All the literature recommends short term use. But, by that point my body will have adapted to eating less and won't rebel so much. I could be as close as 10 pounds away from my goal at that time so keeping the momentum will be easy. I expect to feel much better at a healthy weight and it might relieve some of my fatigue. Wouldn't that be nice.

Also, everyone thinks I'm trying to lose weight to look better and they get all bent out of shape because they think I look good already. The looking better thing is relatively minor compared to the real reasons. I want to feel better. I don't want my extra fat getting in the way of my movement anymore. I want to bend over without squeezing all my breath away. I want my blood pressure and cholesterol levels to stay in a healthy range. My cholesterol was borderline even at my lowest weight (which is 5-10 pounds less than my goal). I want to feel more confident and it is much easier to feel confident if you don't look 5 months pregnant. Unless you actually are 5 months pregnant, which I'm not. I want to be happy with my own body. I want my outside to reflect my inside and as my mind gets healthier I want my body to be healthier too. I have a closet full of really nice clothes that I would love to wear again. And yes, I do want to conform to the American standard of beauty to a degree. I don't want to be a stick but I don't want rolls either. And that is that.

Here's a picture of my Hoya carnosa 'Krimson Princess' in bloom.



And these are the tags I made to help me remember who I pollinated with who and when.