Day 6: Gluten Free

Yesterday I felt really good. Almost normal. Or at least what normal was before this last downturn. Today wasn't as good but still better than before the diet and vitamins.

THe cold front came through today. It is cold and blustery outside. If we had a fireplace I'd make a fire and sit and crochet in front of it.

Work looks to be busy for the next couple of weeks. We had several notoriously large and difficult jobs come in within an hour. All due by the end of the month. I predict a Saturday at work. At the very least there's going to be skids and skids of paper to cut. I suppose I should wait to make that decision until Friday.

We're going to Texas over Thanksgiving. We're riding the train. I'm really looking forward to it. I guess that's why I want to go in this Saturday- I won't be there Friday, Saturday, or Sunday after Thanksgiving when all the real work will be there.

Am I too invested in my job? I genuinly want to do my best and help them out as much as I can.

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I took a test on Facebook a while back for the Autism Quotient. It was not really a diagnostic test, just giving an idea of where you score related to Aspies that also took the test. Just now I took it again on another website. I didn't remember my answers to the questions from before but I got the same score: 39 out of 50. Most people without any Aspergers or anything (normal people) score a 16. Most people with Aspergers score about a 32. most people with high functioning Autism score a 44.

Yup. Explains some things.

It doesn't really change anything about my life if I have it or if I don't. I just like knowing more about myself. Understanding myself and how I am the same as and different from others. I've always liked personality tests and "what kind of _____ are you" quizzes. I'm a Rottweiler, btw. I am friendly and loyal but if you mess with my family or friends you're gonna hear from me and it won't be pretty.

When I find out something new about myself it makes me happy. I feel like I'm a puzzle. It is taking my whole life to fit all the pieces of me together. Just recently I put lots of new pieces in at once and it changed the whole image. It was exciting and satisfying and terrifying all at once.

Recently I have put in some pieces about how I relate to other people who claim to be my friends. Did you know that some people can be nice to you while you're there and then not even acknowledge you in another group? I am the same person no matter where I am or who I'm with. I feel the same way about you whether you're there or not. I thought two faced people were the exception but now it seems they may be the rule. How do I tell who is my friend for real and who is lying to me? If you think less of me because of my poor family or my manual labor job or my 35 year old house or my beat up hands, well, I don't want to be friendly to you at all. You aren't worth my time. But no one says those things to my face. People are always friendly to your face. Am I supposed to sleuth around and ask others what you're saying about me behind my back? Am I supposed to trust everyone and just get hurt occasionally? Am I supposed to assume everyone is lying and make them prove their honest intentions before I'm their friend?

I am from the lower class. The working poor. I am in the middle class now but I don't know if I look like it. I don't know how I'm viewed by the upper and middle classes. I don't know if people can tell my status just by looking. Is it because my hands are calloused and my nails aren't pretty? Is it because I don't really bother with makeup unless it's a special occasion? Is it because the clothes I wear? Is it the way I carry myself? Do they have x-ray vision and can tell my legs are white and hairy? Is it my crooked teeth and acne scarred skin? I was taught that people are created equal and I took it at face value. But it seems that others were taught differently.

If I go to a restaraunt and a rich person I know is there, should I say hello or duck my head and ignore them? Would it be an embarrasment to their friends if I tried to act the same way at the restaraunt as I do at work?

My brain is worn out. I'm going to bed.